honestly, i had qualms about getting through a year with any one person, but especially so with someone who holds a countless things i had to lose. because there's so much at stake, the fear heightens. there were plenty of times when everything was hanging by a single strand of thread, one that's worn to it's very last bit. i perservered with cheeks drenched in tears and he swallowed his frustrations to comfort me. we both held on during those dark times in the pit, we held on long enough to get through our first year together.

to many, a year doesn't mean very much. some have been together for years in a breeze. but neither of us has had this exprience. it's special. it's special to each of us and to us both in different ways. no, there was no huge celebration, not even a little one. nope, no exchange of gifts or an extravagant gesture to acknowledge the significance of that day. in fact, we only had a couple of hours to ourselves, dinner at a food court followed by travelling time together. it didn't matter, it was still time spent together and it is still special in every right.

this one year has changed us both to fit each other a little more snugly. for me, he has overcome his fear of commitment and has accepted the fact that he's now got a girlfriend to think about. i know how much he still loves being free and independent, and i have learnt to allow him his time. it used to be such a chore putting my hand in his and having it remain that way. now, he's always holding my hand and it happens so naturally. no complains. coming from different ends of the spectrum, where emotions are concern, we have both come a long way to meet where we are now.

[31st Dec 2008]
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a chord, two, three... you drill them all into my fingers. strum, strum, strum, and i forgot them all again. bad teacher or horrible student? or perhaps you're too much of a distraction for me to be concentrating on strings galore. six to naught would best describe my strumming expertise. it's not me, the guitar's out of tune again.

[3rd Jan 2009]
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over dinner together, you chatter your way to my parents' approval. you and my dad in sync on the wide array of tasty delights of the east. those that the north lacks. together, you both left me in a wordless pout.

you poke fun at how i hold my chopsticks and taught me to hold it right. that led to mummy revealing how she used to hold it all wrong too and it was my dad who made her hold it the right way. a fact i never knew about my parents. amazing how you brought that out of them. (i still hold my chopsticks how i've always held them... the "wrong" way.)

it's nice that the conversations could flow with no awkward periods of silence. this could go on to be a regular thing. you fit in just right.

[3rd Jan 2009]
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i love you baby.

and your silly attempts to make me smile... sor zai!