Friday, May 22, 2009
now and then

Finally my seminar's over and the results out.

I was reflecting on it and i realised that this is my first major group project and presentation in Uni. One that actually forms a major component of the unit grades anyway. I had an American and a Swedish exchange student in my group along with two locals, and a French guy for a tutor. It was quite a good experience working with others whose views and way of doing things differ from what i'm used to. Sure it was hard to communicate certain ideas at times because we all have different levels of understanding and experience.

The countless presentations in poly has made it second nature to me. When it comes to getting a powerpoint presentation done, I'd know exactly what the dos and don'ts are. Public speaking is also not a problem. Sure sometimes the nerves get in the way but more often than not, it's kept under control. Professionalism, needless to say, is part of the course itself. All of these were expected of me and naturally, I expect to see all that as well in any presentation.

The critic in me is hard to suppress, particularly when it comes to the details of presentations. It's quite astonishing to find that the standard of presentations here is vastly different from what it is back home. I could imagine FJ and Poh Bee's jaws drop if they had a chance to see the presentations yesterday... and perhaps fail them immediately (on presentaion alone, ignoring the contents). Colours were all over the place making fonts hard to see, no consistency throughout the presentation and in some cases so obviously done by different people, wordy points, pictures that makes no sense but were there because it's "pretty", some people were mumbling, lack of eye contact... i could go on.

Most shocking bit of them all? The entire class got a minimum of a Distinction (7.1/10). Seriously, do they not have expectations and standards when it comes to presentations? Also, our class was the only batch that got a grade range of D-HighD. The highest mark for the previous batch was apparently (7/10) which only one group attained. I really wonder how bad they were.

After sitting through all the presentations, I was sure it was a free toss for Joyce's group and my group to take up the top 2 spots. Sure enough... we did, taking up the two High Distinctions in the class. Those who made comments about asians not being able to do as well in presentations have a lot to be ashamed about. Joyce's group was asian-dominated with 5 out of 8 members being asians. i shall not go on about the naive individuals making ignorant comments (only a handful.. most aussies are nice people).

Anyway, what really prompted me to write this entry was the reminiscing of my very first group presentations in poly. The one that pretty much threw two girls who didn't exactly get along with me all that well right in my face and said "Nah! You have no choice but to get along!". We had conflicting ideas and we argued. The other two put together with us were so quiet and timid, they would just watch as sparks flew between the three of us. Eventually, we learnt. We realised that our differences could work to our advantage, constantly bringing new ideas to the table. By the end of it, Priya was an expert at expressing my thoughts and finishing my sentences, and Jasmine widened my scope of thought adding new perspectives to things. We didn't just get along, we forged a bond. The beginnings of what's to be a wonderful friendship.

The other two? By the end of it, they have been transformed. We gave them a complete make-over (presentation skills-wise). They slowly gained the courage to chipped in in the midst of our sparks. It was a show of fireworks by the end. (ha.) They became such confident individuals for the final presentation, from what was softspoken mumbling and lots of fidgeting. We were so proud of them.

Both first major presentations but both so vastly different, emotions and experience. Nonetheless, I have enjoyed both.

Sunday, May 10, 2009
downtime

[this entry is just plain depressing. so don't bother if you don't want to dampen your mood.]

i'm not in my element of late.
everything around me feels a bit uncomfortable and not quite right.
even my pillow has decided to go flat on me (and that btw is two flat pillows stuffed into a single pillowcase and still it's gone all unfluffed).
i was telling Joycie last month that this kinda mood swing (which so happens to fall right between 2 cycle of periods) could be due to the LH surge when levels of estrogen (hormone) is at its peak. *shrug*
alright... i shan't go all sciencey on all of you.

really... it could be anything and everything that's making me feel out of sorts.
i've particularly been thinking about my future a lot lately... so that could be it.
i was just reiterating my goals...
considering where i am at at the moment and thinking if all of these is in sync with achieving my goals.
thinking back.. say about 5 years ago.
what would i have wanted to have achieved by now...
[i wanted to graduate with my diploma, find a stable job and settle down by the time i was 25 and perhaps have a kid at 27/28. quite obviously.. i never did achieve that and am nowhere near fulfilling that now. i did get my diploma and my somewhat stable job although it never did satisfy me. multiple failed relationships kinda entirely scrapped the settling down part as well.]
i never really achieved what i wanted to 5 years ago and i'm not exactly on the right track to achieving it.

that being said, i think i've also achieved much more than what i thought i could 5 years ago.
i'm in uni (which i never really thought was possible) overseas (which was deemed totally impossible) getting my degree in zoology (seriously?! you get the drift...).
but is that what i really want?
ok i know i've always wanted to do zoology and i'm still very much in love with it but i'm not quite sure how this is going to fit into the bigger picture.
i'm about 8 months away to getting my degree (fingers crossed) so there's definitely no going back.
i've always thought that after i graduate, i'll get a job, work hard and pay my parents back (uni fees and all), then maybe i'll save up and settle down. sounds like a plan eh?
EXCEPT...
i worked out that if i actually earn enough to give my parents $1,000 a month... that'll take me 7-8 years to settle my debt.
considering the field i'm in, i'd probably not earn enough and it'll take me much longer than that...
i'd be an old hag by then!!!

but of course all these career-money thing is just one aspect of it.
if someday i can overcome my acute tendency at sabotaging my own relationships.
i have countless ways of getting at it but it's often in the form of pettiness.
sometimes it's thinking too far ahead and feeling insecure.
it doesn't help that when i do get my head around it.. i just end up feeling like such a bitch and that in turn makes me feel even worse (positive feedback).
this could possibly be the cause of my moodiness too...

or it could be due to my crappy (3 major 3rd year zoo papers in 3 consecutive days) exam timeable...
or the constant reaffirmation of my 8-month wait (refer to entry 2 weeks ago)...
or being on overdrive and the desperate need for a break...

i've never been very good at expressing my thoughts.
so this might have been random and plain confusing...
but i Am confused.

i'm not sure if where i am now leads to where i want to be in the future.

Friday, May 8, 2009
sas

statistics bring joy to the world!
it makes us extremely happy... too happy for our own good. (ie. nutcase, cuckoo, siao, whatchamitecallit!)
the beloved program that generates these numerous flow of numbers, charts, tables, diagrams, unexplainable data... the wonderful SAS!
over the course of this semester, SAS has been ever-increasingly used in our daily conversations.
new vocabulary have also been churned with the root of SAS.

a: "hey! what ya doing?"
b: "i'm sassing."

a: "how was your weekend?"
b: "good.. did some de-sas-stress shopping."

"SAS it up!"

"wooo... SASSY!"


this post is lovingly dedicated to SAS!